When a mother is attentive, she instills attentiveness in her children as well, and they become diligent. This attentiveness must be built on a foundation of moderation, for in excessive perfectionism, there lies the trap of self-exaltation.
Children don’t just listen to what we say; they absorb how we behave. When a mother is Attentive, she is demonstrating a high level of engagement with the world. By paying attention to details, the mother shows that the world is worth noticing and that tasks are worth doing well.
When a child feels seen by an attentive parent, they learn that their efforts have value. This creates a positive feedback loop: the child works hard (diligence) because they have learned that quality and presence matter.
The Foundation of moderation acts as a safety valve. In psychology, this is often linked to the concept of the Good Enough Parent.
Flexibility: Moderation allows for mistakes. It teaches a child that while diligence is important, a person’s worth isn’t destroyed by a single failure.
Attentiveness without moderation leads to burnout. Moderation ensures that the Fire of diligence provides warmth rather than consuming the person.
The warning about Self-exaltation is perhaps the most insightful part of the above statement. Excessive perfectionism is rarely about the task itself; it is often about the ego.
Understanding Self-Exaltation
Why does perfectionism lead to Self-importance (exaltation)? When someone demands Perfect standards, they are often trying to set themselves above the common human condition of frailty. It becomes a form of pride: “I am the one who does not make mistakes.” If a mother passes this on, the children may become diligent, but they may also become judgmental of themselves and others. They don’t just work hard to be helpful; they work hard to feel better than.
The goal is to raise children who are present and capable (attentive and diligent) without making them rigid and prideful (perfectionistic). By anchoring attentiveness in moderation, a mother gives her children the tools to succeed without the heavy burden of having to be Perfect to be loved.
